* S H A T T E R E D dreams ]

Saturday, February 18, 2006

It's weird how things can change all of a sudden and u'll be wondering "How did this happen? I don't know. but I just feel frustrated." And when the situation gets bad, just one thought: "Get out of my life, I wish I never came here and knew you." But for now, I just have to tolerate and adapt to the constant changes.

Anyway, went to watch The Pink Panther yesterday with the guitar club people - Julia, Cherie, JiaHong, Ben, Jeffrey and Joshua. The movie was HILARIOUS. It is so lame that sometimes we laugh not because it's funny but really, really, really LaMe. :) Having ran FIFTEEN rounds around the school track during PE in preparation for cross country yesterday, my body was aching and the movie was so funny that I laughed till even my shoulder was aching. I didn't expect the movie to be so good, didn't really expect much of it =X but it turned out to be really nice and funny. **You will get pleasantly surprised when you expect nothing. Really true :)

Hmmm saw a funky shoe bag at The Wallet Shop at The Heeren yesterday after the movie and I really like it! (I've been wanting to buy a shoe bag for ages) It's only $12.90, so it's considered cheap relative to those of Adidas, Nike and Fila, etc, which are of the price range btw $15 - $20. Heh. But being super broke yesterday, I couldn't buy it. :( I can't wait to get it! :)

By the way, common tests are in two "wonderful" weeks' time and I don't feel good about it. Afraid of the turnout. SIGHS.

* S H A T T E R E D 4:22 PM

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


* S H A T T E R E D 7:18 PM

Thursday, February 09, 2006

WARNING: This is one depressing entry.

I've been kinda depressed almost every morning these days and I would only return to my normal, relatively cheerful self after eating,i.e. after break. Eating really helps for me =/ But I don't binge, don't worry. But what is wrong with me? Why me of all people? I feel freaking upset and terrible.

What did I do that for? I so regret it. wth.

And for goodness' sake, can someone please tell me how to see if a person is doing things sincerely and earnestly and not being a fake? I can no longer tell... If u intend to say something which you don't mean it but just saying it for the sake of saying, just don't say it...it'll make u seem a better person. If not, people will just get very pissed. because you're being a bitch.

Another thing, comparison just doesn't end, does it? I have two elder sisters who both are just much more smarter than me. Let's see k. The eldest went to NYGH, NJC then NTU. The second? SCGS, HCJC, got a scholarship and went to the University College of London for her Degree and then the University of Chicago for her Masters. I can just go and jump down. One incident: My dad tried to speak softly at the part where he said I couldn't make it for sth sth...but it's sth regarding my studies, to my uncle during CNY but he being loud naturally, thus failing at saying it softly, I heard him. Fortunately, I have a nice uncle who said,"Don't compare la, comparison has no end." I was so thankful he said that, my uncle's one good father.

Anyway, I just knew I should have gone to the polytechnic where there is no GP (which am having remedial for currently) and no Chemistry (which am having tuition for currently). Sister says, "don't go to poly la...do u know that the pay for poly students is very much lesser than the pay for uni students?" I say, "Is it...." She replies, "Yes...the starting pay is lesser and the rate of the pay increase is much slower." RIGHT. So now am "wonderfully" stuck in a JC. BUT so what if I'm in a JC? Don't any of you (my family members) realise that if I end up scoring not-so-good or not-so-satisfactory grades, even worse, fail my GP, what am I going to do?! Diploma is obviously a much safer route for me. I am obviously just much less smarter than the 2 of you so stop thinking that the route u all take is as suitable for me. It has proven to be not, no? "No....you can do it one...you just have to work harder...," is what they always tell me. Not that I don't want to, my GP? Often on the borderline or for the record, am a J2 now (awaiting/preparing for A levels which is in about NINE "wonderful" months) and I'm still passing GP at the borderline or failing? Fail GP, fail 'A' Levels. For Chemistry? I just got a TWELVE upon FORTY for my CA1. With tuition u know. It's extremely depressing and I feel like a failure. Econs? It's really 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'cons. Haven't got back the essay test so i don't know how I fared but I screwed it up as I misinterpreted the question.

*Julia..don't worry, it's not your influence that am sinking into quite a bit of depression. We're both Libras and so it's inevitable that we think much more alike sooner or later x)

ALRIGHT...on a positive note, Valentine's Day is just FIVE days away! x) I have no idea on what to buy for my friends eh. But I guess I'll see it when I see it when I go shopping for the presents x)

Okiedokes..time is ticking..gotta go do the GM food essay now =/

Till next time x)

* S H A T T E R E D 4:35 PM